Children who have temper tantrums can make home life miserable. Many of us have lived this hell. Throw in some screaming and drama, and you see your child suffering it can be too much!
As an author, psychologist and parenting specialist, I have helped thousands of parents to end their child’s temper tantrums. With the life-changing methods in my Tantrum Fixer guide, you can forget those temper tantrums and bring calm to your home.
Not all tantrums are the same. Some tantrums are a piece of cake. With a bit of whining, and few stomping moments and then the child temper tantrum is gone naturally. We think of these as typical tantrums, and almost no one seeks help for these tantrums. The struggles really start when your child’s tantrums go on for (what seems like) hours, and can become physical and scary. If you see these becoming more frequent, you can really feel like it’s a constant fight.
And then, of course, there are types of temper tantrums in between those extremes.
The critical first step is to forget all the about the amount of drama in your toddler’s tantrums, and get started learning what triggers are making your life miserable. Here are a few triggers to keep in mind:
MOM, HOLD ME PLEASE!
The “Mom, Will You Hold Me” Temper Tantrum Trigger can really pluck your heartstrings. How can you refuse when your child is looking for some love and attention from you? Sometimes you have to be a little bit stone-hearted not to respond.
But, the problem is that when mom or dad doesn’t give the love that the child wants, they go off into a whirlwind of temper.
What we need to understand about this temper tantrum trigger is just this we need to teach our children how to soothe themselves. Sometimes we simply cannot pick them up and give them a hug. They need to be able to calm themselves down so that they don’t spin off in to a temper tantrum. They must realize that they can’t always rely solely on mom or dad for their emotional comfort.
As we begin to understand the hidden motivations behind the “Mom, Hold Me Please!” temper tantrum we can start to make positive changes. We can help our children to help themselves out of these temper tantrums.
MOM, DO I HAVE TO?
The ‘MOM, THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANT TO DO!’ Temper Tantrum Trigger is one of the ones we see most often. It happens when you tell your children to stop doing something they like doing. They, obviously, want to carry on doing it.
It may simply be that you want them to do something else. It might be that you have to go out somewhere. It could be that their behavior in the current situation is embarrassing. It doesn’t matter – your reason for wanting them to stop isn’t what is important here.
The crucial temper tantrum trigger here is that, in the child’s world, they would much rather have things their own way!
What we have to do to stop this kind of temper tantrum is to teach your child that change is a normal part of life even when they don’t want things to change!
MOM, FIX IT FOR ME!
Another big motivator of temper tantrums is the ‘MOM, PLEASE FIX IT!’ Temper Tantrum Trigger. As children grow up, they start to learn that the things that used to work for them — have now stopped working. This realization can end in mega temper tantrums.
Things could have changed because you now have some new additions to the family. Maybe their favorite teddy bear’s head has been torn off. Or it might be something as simple as them accidentally kicking over their milk.
Why do all of these scenarios so often lead to temper tantrums?
Well, that’s because your child’s single most important motivation is to get a parent to fix the situation for them. When things don’t turn out that way you are going to see another temper tantrum. And that’s because they have not yet learned that things don’t always go their way.
As the months go by, it is a big mistake for you deal with a temper tantrum by keeping on fixing things in every situation. Your children will then think that throwing a temper tantrum is they way to get you to fix things.
So, the lesson here is that you can, and will, continue to fix things for your child. But, be very careful about fixing things JUST BECAUSE they tantrum to get it fixed.
Even when we do understand these hidden triggers, we still need to understand one further important part of your child’s development
Children will sort out any upsets – without your help!
In fact, they must handle their upsets on their own! If we fail to see this then we will never know when to stop helping them. And, if we never stop helping them, then they will never learn to help themselves. We end up comforting them over and over again. We always try to make everything right. But, all we will actually achieve is to end up living in a world of escalating tantrums.
Put the calendar forward a few years. Now your temper tantrum toddler has turned into a temper tantrum adolescent.
The easy route away from all of these temper tantrums is to appreciate the triggers that lie at the back of them. And then, you simply have to trust in the fact that you are helping them to find solutions to their own problems.
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